I'm good, How are you?

On the surface, everything checks out. There is a smile on my face and my voice is steady, calm. I will tell you about that time in college, or that girl I dated, or something that I once heard that stuck with me. I will ask about how your life is going, how your family is, and whatever is new and exciting. We will spend some time together talking and catching up and then we will part ways. I bet you'll never even notice that I didn't tell you anything. Or that I'm dying inside a little more each and every day. But it's not your fault at all. See, my curse is this; I'm doomed to love but never be loved. To care but never to be cared for. And this, this is all my fault. You see there are things that I can't trust inside of me. I am terrified of my own mind and can't risk it attacking me again. I don't think I'll survive another battle. So I listen, but don't really say anything. When I do speak, I speak defensively. I only speak to keep you at bay, to turn the conversation back to you so that I can keep you safe. I don't need anyone else to die with me. All I want in this world is someone who could help me deal with all the pain. But I'm terrified that if I do let anyone in, anyone know who I am, they'd hate me. Or even worse, Love me and be dragged down too trying to save me.