Love Songs

If I were to write a love song
I'd have to pretend it wasn't about you
All of the memories are
Perfect puzzle pieces
Showing what I've loved and lost
Perfect little shards of life
That I had once lived
And even now these shards are deep in me
And leave an imprint of the way things should have been

As the music plays it draws me to a deeper place
A place that lives in me where each note is a decision
And bass hits match my hearts beats
When my minds eye summons you
I can't run from you anymore, I love you
The bass quickens and I might explode
My heart can't take this overload
Of clarity of vision of the woman I love

Written Long Ago no.1

She domintes my thoughts night and day. Like a yellow bird she flies into my dreams at night. Oh my graceful, unattainable Daisy. My Lolita. Every symbol of an intoxicating, overwhelming desire. Not the desire to become physical with, but much more than that. The desire to simply know what goes on behind those eyes. To hear those thoughts. To hold her just to feel her heartbeat against yours. If only she knew what a smile from her can do to raise from me any trace of sadness. How her ignorance or disregard of my attempts to impress her can make me uneasy till we next speak, sometimes as much as a week apart. Like a beautiful butterfly she dances around my thoughts, stopping at times and landing to jump start my mind and heart. And then she is off again fluttering around in every which direction but visible in the field the whole time. And just when I feel as though she has gone on to a more beautiful field, she lands on my back.

The Way She Is

Just being near her isn’t enough

I need to be able to feel her

To hold her close to me like lovers do

I need the warmth of her against me

And I need the smell of whatever perfume she wears

I need her awkward glances and steady eyes

There’s no way to describe all the things she provides in verse

So I’ll try my best to wrap this up

I need her utterly and completely, just the way she is tonight.

The Vast Ocean

The boy looked out into the ocean as he had so many nights before. And like so many nights before the boy was at the beach looking out over the ocean because he didn’t belong anywhere else. Not that the boy particularly belonged at the beach but often in times of stress he would be soothed by the vast expanse of an ocean he may never cross. You see this particular boy was plagued by the way things were from much too young of an age. Growing up with the understanding of an adult of the way that people are, the boy never really was able to get along with the other children. Adults would often call him mature but let’s call him what he really was, robbed of the innocence of youth. He was taught that life is in fact not fair. He was taught not to trust others and also at the same time to listen to all authority. These things all meshed together to make questions of belonging and happiness almost impossible to answer to the boy. How do you tell someone that has never been taught to love people that others could in turn love him for the way he was? The boy took off his shoes and felt the sand in between his toes like so many others had before. He could feel the gentle swaying of the waves ahead of him. He knew the smell and taste of the ocean and let it fill his lungs as he had so many times before. And then he calmly walked into the water and sunk beneath the rising moon.

Hard Nights, Hard Days

Another shot down

Another day I will hate

Why wake up at all

Shots increase in time

Time slow down! Time never stops

One more shot I’m fine

Why won’t you pick up?

I need you now more than ever

No where near or far

Stumble home but then

I realize home is long gone

One room prison now

Room is spinning fast

Missing all those I have lost

And will lose later

Basement Musings

The basement lines can’t seem to find the words to match my thoughts.

So I sit here, and fear to say I’ve lost what I forgot.

A bit of sanity left and self respect that children have never lost.

And now the pressure is building up, to become the man I’ll be.

And I can’t seem to understand how this pressure changes me.

I can’t find my past and my memory’s lax of the way things used to be.

So come you say, those times are past when you ran away from life

Now you’re stuck here to grow and learn to deal with the strife

No more days without regrets, No more silly childish dreams.